I used a generator to write this.
It all started when our predictably heroic hero, Tougou, woke up in a imaginery desert. It was the eighth time it had happened. Feeling abnormally pleased, Tougou backhanded a dangerous oil-soaked rag, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Just as zero people expected he realized that his beloved jacket was missing! Immediately he called his so-called best friend, Yagi. Tougou had known Yagi for (plus or minus) 550,000 years, the majority of which were exotic ones. Yagi was unique. He was intelligent though sometimes a little... insensitive. Tougou called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Yagi picked up to a very ecstatic Tougou. Yagi calmly assured him that most 3-legged wallabies yawn before mating, yet South American hissing sloths usually surreptitiously yawn *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Tougou. Why was Yagi trying to distract Tougou? Because he had snuck out from Tougou's with the jacket only four days prior. It was a flamboyant little jacket... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Tougou got back to the subject at hand: his jacket. Yagi grimaced. Relunctantly, Yagi invited him over, assuring him they'd find the jacket. Tougou grabbed his whale and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Yagi realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the jacket and he had to do it aimlessly. He figured that if Tougou took the gas-guzzling, ecology-destroying, tankish SUV, he had take at least ten minutes before Tougou would get there. But if he took the bike? Then Yagi would be really screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Yagi was interrupted by four oafish cats that were lured by his jacket. Yagi cringed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling worried, he aimlessly reached for his wolverine and aggressively stroked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the imaginery desert, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the bike rolling up. It was Tougou.
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of ninja stars, so he knew he was running late. With a inept leap, Tougou was out of the bike and went scandalously jaunting toward Yagi's front door. Meanwhile inside, Yagi was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the jacket into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind his George Foreman grill. Yagi was exasperated but at least the jacket was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Yagi charismatically purred. With a quick push, Tougou opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted zealous...zealot in a best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Yagi assured him. Tougou took a seat right next to where Yagi had hidden the jacket. Yagi sneezed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Tougou was distracted. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, Yagi noticed a annoying look on Tougou's face. Tougou slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Yagi felt a stabbing pain in his taint when Tougou asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the jacket right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A funny-smelling look started to form on Tougou's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ninja stars from when she used to have pet long-haired sea monkeys. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Tougou nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Yagi could react, Tougou fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The jacket was plainly in view.
Tougou stared at Yagi for what what must've been five minutes. A few unfulfilled decades later, Yagi groped surreptitiously in Tougou's direction, clearly desperate. Tougou grabbed the jacket and bolted for the door. It was locked. Yagi let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Tougou,' he rebuked. Yagi always had been a little annoying, so Tougou knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Yagi did something crazy, like... start chucking dull pencils at him or something. Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, he gripped his jacket tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Yagi looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Tougou. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Tougou. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Yagi walked over to the window and looked down. Tougou was gone.
Just yonder, Tougou was struggling to make his way through the disease-infested jungle behind Yagi's place. Tougou had severely hurt his double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral cats suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the jacket. One by one they latched on to Tougou. Already weakened from his injury, Tougou yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of cats running off with his jacket.
But then God came down with His attractive smile and restored Tougou's jacket. Feeling worried, God smote the cats for their injustice. Then He got in His best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan and zipped away with the fortitude of 2,000 venomous koalas running from a misshapen pack of Indonesian devil cats. Tougou flipped with joy when he saw this. His jacket was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in nine minutes his favorite TV show, South Park, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When 3-legged wallabies meet hand grenade'). Tougou was thrilled. And so, everyone except Yagi and a few hand grenade-toting South American hissing sloths lived blissfully happy, forever after.